Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dock Me

Gotta admit; waterfront property in Schenectady sounds like an oxymoron, as opposed to a regular moron like you, Sparky.

Who are they kidding? ALCO built locomotives on that site for about 100 years and they think that people will buy houses and condos that they build on that ground? Maybe if you cart away about 40 feet of top soil it will be livable, but I'm not buying property there. Hey, wanna buy a house in Love Canal?

Chuckie Schumer and the rest of the crowd of Politicos just wanted some face time. I'm betting that nothing gets built there in the next 10 years. If it does, nobody buys it. What a scam.

As for as the local college sports scene, wait 'til next year. Lots of good stuff on the horizon.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

where's the love?

Yo, putz
Did you miss me, moron? Must have blacked out for a while there.
Hey, dopey, why is it so quiet around here this week? Where's all the hype for the ECACHL playoffs (oh, that's right, no one gives a rat's ass), the MAAC tournament (oh, that's right, it's out of town, and no one gives a rat's ass) or the America Least shebang (oh, that's right, it's out of town and no one gives a rat's ass). See a pattern developing here? Shee-it, I'm almost looking forward to tomorrow's Gay-zette so I can read Shottzie's riveting ECAC hockey predictions. Any self-respecting rat wouldn't even wipe his ass with that drivel.
Hey, dog breath, we've got to take in a UAlbany lacrosse game. The Big Dogs knock off Johns Hopkins and break into the top 20? Might be worth looking at. God knows the winter sports aren't worth the price of admission. Oh, that's right, we don't pay anyway.
Did you catch the press conference Monday about developing the Alco property in Schenectady? What do they think this is, Baltimore? That's not waterfront property, it's the goddamn MOHAWK RIVER, for Christ's sake. All they're going to do is piss off some big ass rats. I'm sure all the Hamilton Hill crowd will be lining up for riverfront condos. Hey, might not be a bad idea. We can stagger home from The Ditch! See if Kimmy-Says wants to move.
Got to find my meds.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Yoo Hoo

Hey, where is Sparky anyway? He hasn't posted in five days. Probably accidentally locked himself in the cave again. Gotta send Anna over to get him out. Now that she has recovered from her Eyetalyun sunburn, she can go out in the cold and unlock the cave. Take him some beer Anna. He must be out of brews by now. Watch out for the empties on the floor; wouldn't want you to turn an ankle. Let us know when you find Sparky.

Bone Brews

So Carl Pavano gets hit on the foot with a batted ball, suffers a bone bruise and will be out of action again. Man, I am not going to the ball park if he is pitching. This guy should never get outa bed. Of course, you have to wonder about a guy who falls on his ass on a nice grassy infield and misses most of the season. I think this clown is as fragile as a china doll. He needs to toughen up a bit.

You wanna talk about tough? Hey, I've seen Sparky fall off a wagon, a bar stool and his high horse and never spill a drop, or miss a round. He can take a nasty stare and a rude comment from a frazzled waitress and never miss a beat. That's tough.


Friday, February 23, 2007

let's lift a pint

Oy, it's a sad day when one of the real characters in life meets his maker, but you can be sure Mono's already raiding God's liquor cabinet. For those who knew Bob Monohan, remember him for what he was, and stay away from the sappy eulogy on
Irish Brogue? Yeah, Irish Mist. This clown can’t tell the difference between an Irish Brogue and the speech pattern of a heavy-drinking Irish sportswriter from Southie? Oh, man – get me a bottle. I want to suck down a pint of Telamore Dew and then smack this clown with the empty.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Suh, Suh, Saints are Fowl

Oh man, the first half of that Siena Manhattan game was just dreadful. Siena was 2 for 9 from the foul line.

How can you pack so much drivel into so few words? You are giving me a headache. Gotta admit, though, that Notre Dame at Marquette on an outdoor court in February would be very entertaining. St John's and Seton Hall is another story, however. Better yet, let's play those games in the cave. I'll bring the beer.

Hey, I know how we can end that illegal and stupid war we started in Iraq and get on with the impeachment trial of W and Dickie Boy, if the fat old fuck doesn't do us a favor and die first. Anyway, let's send the Manhattan and Siena teams over there to play a barnstorming tour. The insurgents will leave in droves. Hell they'll leave in golf carts just to avoid having to watch these two teams play.

Get off Eh, Rod, will ya? Besides, Giambi retains so much water - roids will do that to you - that if he was to get hit with an errant punch in that titanic slug fest, he would leak like a sieve.
I'm tired of the constant search for irrelevant baseball stories already and it's what, day three of spring training? I can't wait for the hockey playoffs. Lord Stanley had the right idea. Play for a trophy that holds at least a case of beer.

I think you can deduct twice the value of beer from your taxes if it is for medical reasons. Honest, you can slip it by. Really. I wouldn't kid you. Try it, you'll save millions.

Let's go, Saints

Yo, putz
How about giving the Siena Aints some love? All they have to do is knock off the Jaspers tonight and they'll be playing for a share of the title against Marist. Wow, Siena-Marist, for a share of the MAAC title. Isn't that riveting basketball. I'd rather watch the last-place game in the Big East on an outdoor court in February!!!
Speaking of riveting basketball, too bad we didn't take in the Shen girls game last night. Would have been entertaining to watch Saratoga score TWO points in the first half. Stick with me, sonny. I'll make the good decisions.
So you're attached to the old airplane hanger where the Engineers play hockey. That explains why you still have that ugly mutt hanging around your house.
Can't wait for Gay-Rod and Jeter to drop the gloves during a spring training game. Wouldn't that be great! One of them calls off the other, both get pissed, they drop the gloves and go at it, and Giambi (wasn't he the guy in the box in Pee Wee's Playhouse?) will be the third man in. Please, Manny, do something crazy and get the Brokeback Boys off the back page.
Speaking of Brokeback, where's JZ?
Got to run, sport. Can we deduct beer on our income tax as a medical expense?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Eh, Rod?

If I'm standin at the Bah in the Black Rose it ain't ambiance I'm soaking up. I like the idea of swaggering on over to Boston and The Rose, however. Maybe we could catch a BU-BC clash. Brown and RPI at Houston will be very interesting. Though it has become something of a dump, I have grown a bit attached to the Field House. Ned built it and Mike helped put some of the hangings on the wall. That's a pretty good combination. At some point they are going to have to put Addesa in the Ring of Honor. Ned was no saint and he is there. Mike was not squeaky clean, but he was no racist. Shirley and Kenny Boy should extend an olive branch and put the Fat Man's name on the wall.

Come on; lay off of Eh, Rod. He spent all that money getting his bangs highlighted, felt the need for some TV face time so he called a news conference to talk about anything but why he disappears in October. Actually, it was a brilliant diversionary tactic; sorta a prophylactic strike, if you will.


Brokeback Yankees

Yo, putz
Did I read that right? Gay-Rod and Jetes aren't having sleepovers anymore? Maybe one of them can hook up with Tom Brady. Looks like he's sleeping with everyone.
You've got to love Manny. He's going to report late because his mother has a tumor or a hernia or something, and he sends a messenger to tell Terry Francona. You can't make this stuff up. I'll take Mannyisms over Gay-Rod's whining anyday. It's time to head to Boston, belly up to the bar in the Black Rose and start absorbing the ambiance.
And don't forget. The only things open after 2 a.m. are the 7-11 and legs.
Got to run. I have to get in line for tickets for Friday night's titanic clash between RPI and Brown. Got a feeling that sucker will be sold out, and I don't want to miss what will probably be the GAME OF THE CENTURY at the House That Ned Built and Big Mike Decorated.

Monday, February 19, 2007


Hey, Ned has a lot more on the ball than some of us.
The ECAC needs a complete overhall. The coaches are running the league and nobody else matters, or cares. This league will not have a legitimate challenger for the national title until they decide they want one and make some hard decisions.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

send him to the dog track

Yo, putz
Can't believe you're quoting Ned Harkness. The man is so old, he's taking senility to a new level. He thought Shirley Jackson was Gladys Knight, for chrissake. He wanted to know why the Pips weren't helping raise his banner (I'm sure ole' Shirley was raising his banner, if you get my drift.)
The inmates are definitely running the ECACHL. How can Nate the Skate get off with blasting an official, BY NAME, in the press, and not get suspended? Where the hell is Hagwell, hiding in a closet somewhere? You can be darn sure Mike Schafer at Cornell has a copy of Nate's quotes in his briefcase, so the next time Hey Mikey goes ballistic, all he's got to do is dangle that newspaper in front of Blind Melon Hagwell and quote MC Hammer - "Can't touch this!"
Hope that cheatin' bastard Micheal Waltrip wins the Daytona 500 today and sends NASCAR in a tizzy right off the bat. Let's see, what do Michael Waltrip's Toyota, Floyd Landis and Barry Bonds have in common? A little extra juice for a little extra boost.
It's BOTTOM FOUR WEEKEND. Yale and Brown at RPI and Union, losers still go to the playoffs. God, I love this country.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Snow Bidness

The good ol boys should just chuck the whole team, I agree. Who's the leader of the group anyway? If the guys in the pits are cheatin, somebody must be dye-recting the wrench-crankers.

Okay, so you do a little research on some of next year's early recruits and you think you know that Opie and RPI are gonna suck 2-3 years from now? You got a carbon monoxide detector in the cave? We gotta check your C O two levels and see if you got dain bramage. Ned Harkness, the greatest college coach of all time, and Mr. Squeaky clean says Coach Appert is the real deal and will lead the Engineers back to prominence in the ECAC. Give him two, tree years and then trash him if they suck.

Hey, at least he isn't bringing in cement heads by the bucket full and trashing officials in the media left and right like the guy across the river.

By the way, how does Hahvahd lose to Northeastern in the consy of the Bean Pot? If it wasn't for Merrimack N'Eastern would be the worst team in the east.

That reminds me, Hockey Least is a great 4-team league (Maine, UNH, BU, BC) but, boy are the bottom four awful. Joe B needs to shed a couple teams from that league and steal Q'Pac from the ECAC andMerrimack has got to go to Atlantic Hockey.

My car is stuck half in and half out of my driveway. The plow drivers in this burg musta gone on strike at Noon today. We got 21 inches of snow in the street at 9 pm and we haven't seen a plow in 13 hours.

Stoke up the fire in the cave and have a black and tan.

let it snow, let it snow

Yo, putz
As my man Meatloaf once said, "It's really piling up outside." ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ALREADY. Good thing I have a good supply of alcohol in the cave. Ain't no Nail on the ogenda tonite.
Hey, how about those cheatin' bastards in NASCAR. Figured after Jimmie Johnson's crew chief got booted out of the Daytona 500 last year, the good old boys would be minding their Ps and Qs this year. BUT NO. Four of them get suspended, and three are employed by the same guy, Ray Evernham, who used to race asphalt modifieds in the Northeast before heading south of the Mason-Dixon. Someone might want to take a serious look at that operation.
Now everyone is whining, boo hoo, what are we going to do. I've got a good idea. Don't just send the crew chief home. SEND THE WHOLE DAMN TEAM HOME, DRIVER AND ALL. After they watch the biggest race of the season from a Barcalounger in Lake Norman with a Budweiser in their hand, you can bet your ass they won't be cheating anymore.
Hey, I figured out why Capital Region media covers Division I basketball and not Division I hockey. Siena and Albany are playing for league titles, and RPI and Union are playing to stay out of the cellar. RPI WILL NEVER BE BACK. Mark my words.
Think I'll let the sled dogs out for a while.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Hey Beer Bitch

I'm in for the Anna Nicole funeral. I'll bring a 12-pack of Smithwicks and we can go from there.

Speaking of Anna Nicole...Do we need any more evidence to prove that the morning shows are just tabloid garbage? We got hundreds dieing in Iraq every day and politicians stealing money by the millions in Albany and Washington and they spend the first 15 minutes of their show today on some bimbo who couldn't spell Iraq.
Okay, people are aware of who she is and have some puriant interest, but how about relegating her to page three and spending some time on the important shit before diving into the pig shit. Wow, how far we have fallen!


Friday, February 9, 2007

two down, one to go

Yo, putz
First Barbaro, then Anna Nicole Smith. What useless celebrity will be next to go? I'm putting my dough on Kevin Federline. That sumbitch is just breathing my air. Maybe we can get him and Paris Hilton in a package deal. Authorities think drugs were involved in Anna Nicole's death. Whoa, there's a revelation. Good investigating, boys. That's why you get the big bucks.
Schottzie is obviously drinking the Koolaid again. The only reason Union and RPI can even think about home ice is because the ECACHL is so damn bad. If Hagwell had any cojones, he'd go back to the old format of a 10-team playoff, and make teams earn their way in instead of mailing it in.
See where old Ned is getting into the RPI Ring of Honor. Good for the senile old goat. But now that Oates, Juneau and Ned are in, it's time to pull the plug. Let's not create a Rink of Dishonor by putting every schmo who ever wore skates up there. Those three are unique in their accomplishments. Let's end it there, until someone else comes along who is in that league.
Hey, let's go to Anna Nicole's funeral. What a display of debauchery that will be.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

You Are a Headache

Hey Shithook:
What'd I hit a nerve? My point zactly. The competition is too scared to do something different like cover good Division II Hoops that draws three times what the bad Division I programs draw. The editors and sports directors just don't want to field the calls from the women's coaches complaining about a lack of coverage. If they were good, or even entertaining, more people would attend the games and more coverage would make sense. I'm with you - whoa that's scary - let's see more on local kids playing at other colleges and more on wrestling and hockey. Better yet, who's covering the Australian Rules Football League?

Hey, did you see what our esteemed Legislature did today? They ignored the three qualified candidates for State Comptroller and named a hack from Nassau County that's been in the Legislature for 20 years, like that prepares you for anything other than saying yes masser to Shelly Silver (See Ron Canastrari). Eliot ain't happy, but it won't make any difference, because ain't more than 2-3 dozen people outside of Albany that care about this bunch of baboons that look more like the Sopranos than a representative body of a democratic society. We deserve what we get in this state. I'm thinnin about moving and letting you yahoos have this cesspool.
Make some room in the cave. I'll bring some beer and spend the next decade or so.

now, back to our sponsors

Hey, putz.
Wow, get lost for a couple of days and people start to get nervous. I was heading to Beantown for the Beanpot and as the song goes, "I took a wrong turn and I just kept going." Ended up cutting a rug at a place called Jugs with a girl called Linda Lou, when in walked a man with a gun in his hand and he was looking for you know who.
Took another look at your last post and it still pisses me off. You are such an idiot. Everyone knows Division I basketball around here sucks, but take a good look, Einstein, SO DOES DIVISION I HOCKEY! Six regular-season games left, and if this was the old format, Union and RPI would be left out of the playoffs. The Little U should always be near the bottom, because they don't give scholarships. What's Opie's excuse across the river? Can't deal with real student/athletes? THIS AIN'T DENVER, OPIE. Get used to it.
And just because Division I basketball sucks doesn't mean you start covering bad Division II or Division III basketball that no one gives a shit about. Shit, we should be covering Hudson Valley. There are more local kids on those two basketball teams than all the Division I, II and III teams combined. How about hitting a high school hockey game once in a while, give more coverage to wrestling? BUT, NO. The party line is to cover what the competition covers, and that means beat writers are tied up with advances, notebooks, games, etc., and have no time for anything else. Why am I splainin' this to you, Lucy? You're too brain dead to understand.
Where's the Advil? I feel a headache coming on.

Friday, February 2, 2007

ah so stupid

Beer battered frogs legs? I'm in. They go right along with the gator bites in the Keys.
Hey, I have been to a St Rose game; not in the past 15 years, but I've been. Also, they outdraw both UAlbany and Siena women's teams. I t is better basketball and about 800 to 1,000 do show up. It's just that the reporters and editors with no brains and no lives in this market pin their "careers" and meaningless lives on covering Division I hoops, even if it is terrible.
Seen Siena or UAlbany women play lately? Or how 'bout that scintillating one-point win the Siena men had over that 0-22 Iona team the other night? The MAAC is set up for a bunch of slow, ole white guys to try to live vicariously through some mediocre basketball players. I can't believe you, of all people, buy into this Division I basketball smoke and mirrors scam. You are such a miopic maroon.

That's about enough from you

Hey, putz
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN MIND? Now you want more coverage of bandit Division II Saint Rose basketball. You know why they don't get any coverage? BECAUSE NO ONE CARES! Especially clowns like you, who sit at home and rant because they don't see any coverage when I know for a fact that you've NEVER been to a Saint Rose basketball game in your miserable little life. What's next? More coverage for Hudson Valley hockey? How about the CD Selects? How about RPI women's hockey games? With the amount of people they draw, reporters could bring a printer for their laptops and print out an individual story for all 20 people in the stands, and have one left over for The Z-Man. If you're suddenly taken a liking to 20-something female basketball players, drag your ass over there and watch the damn games yourself instead of sitting in front of the television every night, double-fisting the remote. Geez, you aggravate me.
Did you see they've opened up a new bar in downtown Schenectady that serves beer-battered frogs legs? We've got to give those bad boys a try. Probably better than smelt.
Is it Saturday yet?

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Iona Saint

Five minutes left in the game and Siena is up by only one and two of the Saints starters (Ubiles and Hasbrouck) have yet to score. This team has done this before. They have trouble getting up for bad teams. Ubiles is the best talent they have had in years, but he takes entire games off and Franny Boy leves him in. If he doesn't want to play, sit his ass on the bench and let him watch.

Speaking of Shills, how about that scintillating half-time interview with the Rose and Kiernan Insurance President. Gee, ya think all the money he gives Siena had anything to do with that riveting exchange? Wow, that really outa be embarrassing for TW3.

I hope Bob Ford is staying and Women's hoop coach Trina Paterson is leaving to have more kids. they dumped Mari Warner for this chick? Yeah Lee McElroy is a real genius.This is the guy that had to give half the stock in the university to Will Brown because he didn't sign him to a long-term contract when he had the chance.

So how come the St Rosie hoop teams in Albany don't get any respect form local papers. The had the men's and women's teams at home last night. Both are 17-5 and the women beat the undefeated number 3 team in the country. they outdraw the two bad Division I women's programs in the area and the O'Donnells would thrash either the Siena or Albany women's team. How 'bout some love for Division II hoops. The others are just unwatchable.


Just phone it in

Yo, Stu
Did you see where Iona is down to seven scholarship players because of injuries? Why even bother driving to Albany? People are actually going to the TUC and shell out their dinaros to watch little more than a scrimmage? If Siena doesn't win by 50, it's because Fran the Man will be calling off the dogs.
Hey, the smelt are running at Scroon Lake. Let's go get us a bucket and deep-fry 'em.
What's the big announcement at UAlbany Friday? Bob Ford finally retiring? Can't think of anything else that would warrant a press conference, unless they're officially naming Rodger Wyland the biggest shill in the Capital District.
What's all the hoopla about the Super Bowl and Race? I thought the Super Bowl was a football game, not a NASCAR 500-lapper. The only race I want to hear about in February is the Daytona 500. GET OFF IT, PEOPLE. Tony Dungy is black, Lovie Smith is black and they're coaching in the Super Bowl. END OF STORY. The real story is, why are they using a white team of announcers? Why aren't the brothers getting all riled up about that, eh? I'll be glad when this thing is over.