Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Don't Need Him

Sparky; ya shoulda stayed in the cave a while longer. I think the sun has gotten to you. Mariano will be fine and the Yankees will have enough in the Pen. Their starting pitching will be fine and is already back to about 85%. They will outscore most teams most nights, so they only need decent pitching. The Sox have not had any significant injuries yet and the Yanks are getting healthy. It will all come down to September.

As for The Rocket; well he should help, but most Yankees fans know that he is no savior. Hey, George would pay $3 million a month for Samuel Clemmons, so what he paid for Roger is no big deal. It's not my money, so I don't care. You are great at talking now, but let's hear from you if the Sox do their usual swoon in September.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Rocket this

Yo, putz
Yeah, dummy, I'm back. And you can thank the Rocket for that.
I just love the way all you Yank-me fans are getting fired up about getting the 45-year-old steroid freak back. Let's put this in perspective, numbnuts. First off, he's not going to pitch for another month or so, by which time your beloved pinstripers will be about a million games out. And when he does decide it's warm enough to pitch, what do you think he's going to do, pitch every day? The rest of the staff will be the same old stiffs, and the way Mariano is serving up batting practice, he won't have the pen to rely on.
I'd like to personally thank The Boss for making life interesting. God, how desperate have you become when you pin your hopes on a guy who should be sitting in a rocking chair on his porch in Texas?
The only thing dumber than a Yankees fan is a whole bunch of Yankee fans.
That's enough for one month.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Box the Sox Pox

Man; Red Sox fans are not only annoying, they are the most insecure and neurotic bunch of people on the planet. I know Boston is one of the best sports town anywhere. hell it's one of the best TOWNS anywhere, but why are Boston fans so uptight and insecure. Actually, I don't think it is the fans in Boston so much as the Sox fans that live elsewhere.

Anyway, why the big stink over Tom Brady walking around Manhattan with a Yankees hat on? he doesn't play for the Boston Red Sox, he plays for the New England Patriots. Not only is it a different sport; it's a different town. It's not even a suburb of Boston, like say, East Rutherford is to NYC.

Maybe Tom is buddies with Jeter or Chin Ming Wang and they gave him the cap. I'm a Giants and Yankees fan. I couldn't care less if Eli Manning walked around Back Bay wearing a Red Sox cap. If he played like Brady and won a couple of Super Bowls he could wear Manny's Dreds for all I care. By the way, would there be this kind of stink if it was Manny wearing a Colts, or Jets, or Dolphins cap? Hey, this is just Brady being Brady.


Thursday, April 19, 2007

Are ya kiddin' me?

As long as there are attorneys like Mary Olive Pierson, lawyers will have nobody to blame but themselves for the bad jokes and general distaste for their profession. Pierson is the attorney for former LSU women's basketball coach Pokey Chatman. Chatman quit late in the season after rumors about improper relationships with some of her players. The university revealed yesterday what most people had suspected all along. Chatman allegedly had "inappropriate sexual relationships" with former players. If they were former players at the time of the alleged sexual relationships, then they were probably not inappropriate. If she had relationships with kids who were playing for her at the time, they can't be anything other than inappropriate. So, why doesn't LSU just said she was futzin' around with players and they are going to prosecute her for rape or fire her ass or something, or that she had sex with former players who are no longer at the university and it's none of their damn business. But, the administration is taking advice only from attorneys, so they talk around the issue until nobody knows what anybody means or what anybody did. How 'bout this; just tell the truth.

Then there is the aforementioned M.O. Pierson. What a maroon! According to the NY Times, her defense consists of the following statement:
"LSU has no written policy governing relationships between teachers and students and between coaches and athletes. I don't know that you can say something is inappropriate when no rule makes it so." BRILLIANT!
They probably don't have any written rules against having sex with a sheep at center court at halftime either. I wonder if Ms. Pierson thinks that is okay.

I need to find a cave and get away from the amoral assholes of the world for a bit before my head explodes. Oh beer babe; another tankard of ale please.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Bush Leagues

Today we are answering an often asked question about sports in the Capital Region, posed this time by blogger Dave Lucas It was asked in a more comprehensive and thoughtful manner than sometimes in the past. This issue has been analyzed, dissected and debated for years. Why can’t sports teams- and we think he means professional sports teams- grow and thrive here?

Much as it pains me to say this, Sparky made some good points in his answer. Sometimes the product is simply over priced. His first point is probably the most important one. This is a minor league town. Arena Football, arguably a borderline major league, did thrive here when the Firebirds first hit town, but that was largely due to the novelty of the then new sport and the exceptional marketing job done by that organization. The same can be said for the original Albany Patroons.

Sparky also hits on another part of the equation when he talks about his preference for big-time college football and basketball in nearby Syracuse as opposed to minor league teams like the Patroons. People in this area have long been strong supporters and ardent followers of Syracuse football and basketball, as well as the major professional sports teams in New York and Boston. With fairly easy access to the venues in those cities, many people would prefer to see a few major college and professional sporting events each year than support a local minor league team on a regular basis. Dave also mentioned how fans in this area love the local college teams, though he forgot to include RPI men’s hockey, and that there is also a large and loyal group of high school sports fans in this area. Siena men’s basketball averaged just over 5,800 fans per home game this year, followed by RPI men’s Hockey (3,715) and UAwbany men’s basketball (3,175).

The succession of minor league teams in this area that have lasted only a few seasons faded into memory for various reasons. Some were poorly funded and had awful marketing plans, while some didn’t have the fan base. A few, like the Diamond Dogs, were the victims of a bad or inappropriate facility. In some cases, there were just too many teams competing for too few fans and too few entertainment dollars. Some weeks during the winter season you have UAwbany and Siena, basketball, RPI, River Rats and Union hockey and dozens of high school basketball games going on in a four or five day span. There are just not enough days in the week and not enough sports fans with the time and money to support everything.

One final and very important reason why this area has not been able to support professional sports on a regular basis is the make up of the local economy. This area has a strong and stable economy because we rely on state and local government and higher education for a much higher percentage of our jobs than many other comparably sized markets in the country. This is the capital with huge numbers of government employees. We also have a lot of colleges and universities employing thousands more people. We simply don’t have the corporate base to provide the advertising dollars and to buy large blocks of season tickets. I obviously don’t have research on this, but my guess is that a lot more individual people (Joe and Jane six-pack and their kids) buy tickets to events in this area than do in similar metropolitan regions elsewhere in the country. This is Awbany; it’s not Buffalo, Baltimore or Orlando. Hey, it’s not even Providence, Rochester or Syracuse.

Next issue: How come the capital city doesn’t have a decent facility for football, soccer and other events? Until Uncle Joe Bruno gave HVCC a bunch of our money to put his name on the baseball stadium in Troy, we had no decent outdoor facility of any size.


Sunday, April 15, 2007


Yo, putzes
There's a good reason fans in Albany don't support professional sports. Because Albany can't come to the realization that it's a small-time market.
Don't forget, the Patroons that are playing now aren't the Patroons that were playing two weeks ago. The new Patroons are the USBL team, which is like watching pickup basketball at a playground. How else do you explain Craig Forth playing professional basketball? Give me a break.
The Rats only draw when they give half of the house away on promotional nights, and rightfully so, because $10 to park, $13 for a ticket and $6 for a beer are big-market prices, not Albany prices. And here's the clincher that this is a small-time market. The powers that be at the Times Union Center didn't even block off dates for possible Rats playoff games! The Rats have to play their home playoff games at the Glens Falls Civic Center, and then have the audacity to charge $17 per ticket!
At least when I go to the Carrier Dome, I know I'm going to see bigtime athletics, even if Syracuse is bad. I'd rather pay to watch Iowa-Syracuse football or DePaul-Syracuse basketball than waste money of the CBA or, God forbid, the USBL.
This isn't a big-time market, and fans shouldn't have to pay an arm and a leg to see mediocre sports.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The Bastards!

Another view


Oh shit, that's not necessarily good. Stopped by the cave tonight and it smelled like my dorm room in 1973 after we lit up a couple of dozen sticks of incense to freshen up the place; yeah that's right; freshen up the air a little; yeah.

You're right Sparky, it is indeed sad if I spend more than a few seconds thinking about where you might have wandered off to, but I was briefly sober and Kimmie did ask about when I had last seen you.

Oh well; A-Rod is off to a terrific start, but most of the Yankees pitching staff is on the disabled list, along with Matsui, so April and May could be interesting. The UAwbany LAX team continues to be ranked in the top three in the country and the Stanley Cup playoffs have finally started. The sports calendar is hitting another hot month so things should heat up in the cave, eh?

Imus got screwed

I'm an Imus fan and believe that what he said about the Rutgers team was wrong and hurtful and he should pay a price. I don't believe that he should be fired and am sorry that he will not be on MSNBC or CBS. He will surface elsewhere.

Steve Capus, MSNBC and the NBC family of companies should be ashamed. Capus and NBC caved to pressure and fired Imus because sponsors began to pull their support. For Mr. Capus and NBC to say otherwise is shameful and dishonest. He and his board caved to pressure from the sponsors and to a lesser degree to the rants of some members of the NBC staff. Capus and the other leaders of the NBC family of companies made a gutless, shameful and wrong decision to abandon Imus and it will cost them. I, and I believe many others like me, will not watch any NBC news product anytime soon.

Capus and the other leaders of NBC who allowed liars and hypocrites to influence their decision and demonstrated that they are cowards and care only about the bottom line. This was purely a business decision and I understand that. For Capus and the other leaders at NBC to contend that it was anything else is insulting to us all.

Ask Al Sharpton if he has said he was sorry for the hurt and the lies he spewed during the Tawana Brawley case. he was a small-time huckster who made his career on the back of a lie and nobody has ever held him accountable. He has no credibility; and for corporate executives to bow to him is truly shameful.

get a life

Yo, putz
If all you have to do is worry about where I am, you're living one sorry life.
Can't believe the way they're taking the I-Man over the coals. Anyone who listens to Imus knows that it's one of the more irreverent shows on radio, and calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos" is probably one of the tamest things he's said. But then Rev. Sharptongue jumps in and all hell breaks loose.
I find it pretty ironic that on the same day MSNBC says it's dropping the Imus simulcast that all charges are dropped against the guys from Duke who were accused of raping a black stripper/hooker/crack ho. Where's Rev. Al and Rev. Jesse in that one? Why aren't they demanding a public apology from the lying bitch who took down the whole Duke lacrosse program? Oh, that's right. She's black, and the victims were white.
You jus' can't make this shit up.
No wonder I stay in the cave. Heading back...

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Yoo Hoo!

Okay, it's been a week with no word from Sparky. He is officially AWOL. Probably locked himself in the cave again and can't find his way out. He'll figure it out when he finally runs outa beer and Depends.

Will the local yokels please get offa the Will Brown band wagon. Come on; Mike Lonergan gets an extension to his contract at Vermont and these clowns can only talk about how the Willie Loman of America East got more. Stop, already. The guy with the goofy haircut held up UAwbany and is going to stay around another year or two. He will sell out for money the next time he has a good offer from a legit DI team (St Bona doesn't count). Do we have to have a Will Brown story or two every week until they start running them every day next fall? This ain't God we're talking about, or even Ditka. It's Will freakin' Brown. Remember how Virginia ran his pups outa the gym in the first round of the NCAA? This guy is human and may only be the third or fourth best coach at his university. Let's not over look the job Scott Marr has done with the number two LAX team in the nation. Then of course there is Vives (track) and Bob Ford (football) who have been there and had success for decades. Let's not make Brownie the second coming of Doc Sauers just yet.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Fock the Socks

So ten minutes into opening day I get an e-mail from Sparky about A-Rod making an error in the first inning of the first freakin' Yankees game of the season. The baseball season is 10 minutes old and shit hook is dumping all over Mr. Sincerity already. Come on, give the guy a little slack. So then The Rod Man whiffs in the bottom of the first and the boo birds are in full plume in duh Bronx and Sparky is probably struttin' around the cave naked, except for his Manny Ramirez Dreds Wig, and singing warm up the bus; not realizing that the Yankees are playing at home. But a few facts - and 26 World Titles - never stopped a red sox fan (read loser) from enjoying even a brief moment of pain in Yankeeland.

The Yankees make three errors, but bang out 12 hits, including a pair of home runs and win the game 9-5. My prediction stands. The Yankees will out-hit and out-pitch the American League and win 95-100 games and the pennant. A-Rod will hit .140 and make four errors in the playoffs, but the Bombers will win another World Series. The red sox will win about 90 games and lose in the first round and Manny; well Manny will be Manny and hit about .432 with 12 home runs against the Yankees; and then it will be football season and we can make fun of Eli for not comin' and Tom Coughlin for not goin'.

Surf's up, time for some golf. Oh, Beer Babe...

Friday, March 30, 2007

Tag Schmag

Hey Sparky - You are gonna love this! (He won't leave the cave for days - just sit there drinking beer and shaking his head)

Okay, this blog has been tagged by a good friend, so I will return the favor. I have to tag it forward, in this case by nominating five more bloggers worthy of the award. Here’s how the originator of the concept puts it:"If you choose to carry this meme forward, remember to tag only those bloggers who stimulate your cortex....or something like that. Please make sure you pass the rules to the blogs you are tagging."
Rules; I hate rules - The participation rules are simple:
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme.
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award'.

Thanks Bud, and the WTIT Blogger gang and we are passing this along to:

This first one is Neil. He is a little nuts and occasionally funny. He says he is a writer and web producer living in Los Angeles who writes about the humor of personal relationships and pop culture. Okay, whatever. Enjoy

Next is Mr. Fab and Pointless Drivel.
Just a collection of samplings from the cluttered mind, is the way he describes his blog. Well, that's original. It sounds like most other blogs I've seen, including this one. His has been around longer.

Next up is Ed Dague, a guy I like and respect a lot. He is smart and not afraid to speak his mind. Ed's blog actually does make you think now and then and it is about TV news, something that interests me.

The name of this next one is a bit of an inside joke. Written by a friend, this is another regional blog that covers issues relevant to Upstate New York.

This final site is of a nice spot in Westport, Connecticut. Had a few beers with the owner at a Syracuse Basketball game during this year's Big East Tournament in New York. This is a guy you want to have a few beers with. Go visit his joint, have a couple and say hello for Sparky and Stu and tell Mike we'll be stopping by to see him this spring; and Sparky will bring along that program from the first football game played in The Dome.

Okay; I'm done. You're it.

Thanks for the kind words, Bud. I'll be stopping by to see you on my trip to Westport.
Click on the WTIT link to the right for a few daily laughs.


Thursday, March 29, 2007

Stick 'em up

Will Brown is bidding the Bonnies against UAwbany to drive up his compensation package. Gotta love his pluck, but hey you do need to strike while the iron is hot. The Danes could be not so Great the next couple of years, so why not try to lock into a long-term deal for mucho buckos while you can? He is asking Awbany to pony up $275K, and likely wants them to sweeten the incentives package and add another year onto the end of the deal and then he will say never mind to Olean. If Duh Danes don't give him what he wants, he can go make $250-$300K at St. Bona for the next 4-5 years. Not bad.

Come on, give Michael Ray a little slack. So he insulted Jews, Gays, some random fans, a couple of referees, a local yokal sports columnist and maybe a few other individuals and groups I can't recall right now, it's not like he actually has the brains to realize what he did. By all accounts he is a very nice guy with not much on the ball (don't even think about it Anna), but the poor bastard has no clue how to conduct himself in a highly visible and responsible job like head coach of a professional basketball team. He'll be bouncing at some club soon and nobody will remember.

The Patroons are really entertaining though. You gotta like a team that is forced to fire the misfit they hired as coach right during the championship series, has a president and GM so outa touch he can't FIND the dog track, and then one of the players get ejected from a playoff game for punching another player; who just happens to be on HIS team. Can you say HBO movie boys and girls?


you heard it here first

Yo, putz
Let's see...stay in Albany, make about $175,000 per and be probably the fourth-highest paid coach in America East, or take $250,000 to coach in Olean. I'm figuring Will the Thrill tells Leroy Boy Is That You to take a hike, and packs up the wife and kid and heads to Bonaventure.
and the next coach of the Barkin' Dogs will be....ROB LANIER. Hey, you heard it here first,
Hey, how about them Patroons. They fly under the radar all year, and now get national exposure because Loose Cannon Richardson let's rip with a couple of f-bombs and contends that Jews are crafty. Micheal Ray hasn't gotten this much attention since he was suspended by the NBA for usin', and usin' and usin'. And Jim Coyne just sits there with a blank look on his face and says, "Huh?" Time to pin a nametag on that old boy and send him to the dogtrack.
Got to run...but I can't remember why. What was my name?

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Geno's gotta go

Hey, putz
Brand new bandwagon. Lots of room. Get your tickets early. Geno Aurriemma's got to go.
Maybe this is why no one gives a rat's ass about women's basketball. UConn is the No. 1 seed in the Fresno Region (why not just play the freaking game in Anchorage!) and LSU doesn't even have a real coach after Pokey got run out of town for. So what does LSU do? Blows UConn right out of the water! Hey, Geno, nice game prep, sport. Was it a surprise that Sylvia Fowles ripped you a new asshole? She's only the best female player on the planet (Sorry, Candace). Might want to devise a defense to stop her, Geno boy. Geez, Louise, go back to selling Italian pastries or whatever you're good at.
And who was the genius who put UConn and LSU in the Fresno Region? Championship game draws 3,000 in a 16,000 seat facility. BRILLIANT! Whoever is responsible is probably in line to be the next ECACHL commissioner.
Hey, Will the Thrill might not be so dumb after all. Interviews at St. Bona and comes back to Albany to find that LeRoy Boy Is That You has a big reward package for him for taking the Ungreatful Danes to the NCAAs. Can you say leverage, boys and girls? Wonder if Scott Marr is going to get the same reward package when he takes the Stickboys back to the NCAAs after being ranked in the top two-tree for most of the year.
Hey, my boss said something about being a team player yesterday. I quickly reminded him that there is no team in the word I. Geez, what a numskull.
Don't forget, you can't spell Wednesday without thenail.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Invest five minutes

Click on this. It only take a few minutes.

Whatever you think about the war, we sent them there. If you don't like the reasons they are killing and dieing, make your views known and the next time you get a chance, vote for someone who will only commit our troops to a war worth fighting.

We should require our president and members of congress to watch this, then think about their votes on this war. We shouldn't be there. We invaded a country illegally. But we are there and we can't just pull up stakes and come home tomorrow. Talk to other nations in the region. Get this settled and bring home those American Troops.


A Pox on the Sox

The Yankees will be fine. Wang will be back by May and Pavano will get two starts in April and then two tune-ups in September before the playoffs. He is going to be out with a bruised sinus in between.

They will get enough pitching from the gerital corps and will out score most teams. They will only need three of their 10 starting pitchers to be healthy in October and the rest will give them some depth in the bullpen.

The Sox? Well, the Sox will hang around most of the season, then fade in the fall. The Yankees will win the AL Pennant, then lose in the World Series. A-Rod will cry and leave NY for the Florida Marlins and Joe Torre will become coach of the Albany Patroons in a Steinbrenner trade for Michael Ray Richardson.


Thoughts From Fantasy World

Gotta love the pluck displayed here
(, but I’m growing more tired of the drivel pouring out of the mouths of some of these nut jobs. It is as bad as, and only slightly more outrageous than, some of the stuff our politicians utter.

The link takes you to a story about an Iranian governmental official who is ranting and raving against the Great Satan, again. No, not Sparky this time, but the good ol' US of A.

Look, our foreign policy is a disaster and our intelligence agencies are being made to look stupid by their bosses and the current administration, but these clowns in Iran and South Korea are starting to get annoying. I think it's time to tell them to go pound salt. We should get rid of Georgie Porgie, VP Darth Vader, Condominium Rice and the rest of that gang and get some folks who will not run the country like it's a freakin' Wal-Mart.
Then the new administration should issue a statement that says, look, the adults are back in charge here and the juvenile delinquents are back in their rooms without supper. We are sorry and we are going to try to start to clean up the mess we allowed them to create. But the two-bit murdering bastards that run places like Syria, Iran and South Korea need to know a few things about us:

We don’t want your sand flea-infested country.
We don’t give a shit what you do inside your own borders, as long as you don’t threaten us or our friends with it. Have unprotected sex with all the sheep and camels you want, just don't sell them to us as beef later on.

We only want to buy oil from you at a reasonable price. We don't want to own the wells. (You see, Bush and Halliburton will not be running this country any more)
We don’t care If you sick bastards want to blow your kids up. That's fine, just don’t do it near us or our friends.

We will leave Iraq and not start any more illegal wars for bogus reasons with little chance of success.

We understand that since we screwed up and destroyed Iraq that we need to lead the reconstruction effort.

We will not elect any more right-wing religious nut jobs who recruit equally greedy and nutty assistants to run America.

We will not elect any more left wing nuts who think that we need to solve every problem in the world right now.

We are not going to round up 12 million illegals in this country and send them back to Mexico, Central America and the Middle East.

We will start to enforce our immigration laws, and we will send the criminals, the wackos and the people who don't want to pay back taxes back to you.

And then I woke up. Time for a beer. Where did I put the Cheerios?

We need to have someone in the White House who will say to the rest of the world. We are going to live and let live. Don't mess with us, or our Friends and we won't bother you.


Who gives a sh......?

Yo, putz
It's Monday morning, I ain't hungover and I'm already pissed.
Who told sports talk geeks that the first thing they have to discuss on Monday mornings is what their families did over the weekend? Hey, moron, I don't care what your pampered-ass wife did with your pampered-ass kids unless it's something really kinky and weird, and then you're NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYWAY! Goood, God almighty, it's called sports talk radio because you're supposed to be talking about sports. Give me Imus any day.
Hey, a local meat market has fresh ox tails on sale. What say we get a couple pounds of those bad boys and kabob 'em? Ox tails and beer, can't be that bad.
Incredible to watch John Thompson The Original (all those numbers cornfuse me) and Patrick Ewing The Elder work their voodoo against the Shit Heels Sunday. Now Country Boy Roy Williams know how Custer felt. The Shit Heels just got waylaid in OT. I almost cried when that kid pumped in the three with seven seconds left. I'D NEVER SEEN A TEAM GET SHUT OUT IN OT BEFORE! Don't forget, Hoya paranoia will destroya.
Hey, putz, I was really sorry to see that the Yankees had to put Cheng Ming Wang on the DL and now, they're going to throw Carl (Could You Show Me The Way To The Mound) Pavano on opening day. It's tough to go one-and-done in a 162-game season, but I can see the cornerman picking up the white towel now! Must suck to be a Yank-Mes fan.
Results of Anna Nicole's autopsy come out today. I'm betting on terminal stupidity.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Blow it out yer ear

Okay, just gotta vent a little...
President Daffy Duck said today that the legislation passed that will set a deadline for bringing home the troops from Iraq, won't make any difference. The Clucks in Congress that gave the President, and his gang of wackos a blank check and then turned their backs have as much blood on their hands as Daffy, VP Darth Vader and retired Secretary of Defense Foghorn Leghorn.
This administration cherry picked the intelligence that seemed to almost justify the launching of an unprovoked and illegal war against a nation we had boxed in with no-fly zones and weapons inspections. The president said today that Congress has yielded its responsibility. Hell, these knuckleheads did that four years ago when they told Daffy, Darth and Foghorn it was okay to go trash Iraq and waste $500 Billion.

That said, we can't just say 'game' and take our toys and go home. Iran and Syria would love a vacuum like that to suck them into Iraq so they could divide up the country and all its oil. Time to impeach this beady-eyed numb nuts. We are in too deep to leave and don't know what else to do. What happened to the greatest country on earth? Easy, we turned our back and let a bunch of self-serving dimwits take over. Time to step up to the plate folks and pay attention. Let's get rid of all of them.

I'm gonna get a s12-pack, go over to the cave, and and watch Bugs Bunny cartoons with Sparky.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Atta Boy Brownie

Whoops, wrong Brownie. Come on Sparky, will Brown can't be all that dumb. Olean in the winter? The Bonnies program is permanently mired in the muck. The glory days are gone for them. How you going to get enough qulaity basketball players, student athletes if you will, to go there, whithout massive quantities of cheating?

How about the guy they dumped? He comes into town on a white horse to pluck the program outa the gutter and they trow da bum out after four years because he didn't win enough. Nice! They had all sorts of knuckleheads in the program, including the coach and AD, before this guy. He comes in and keeps them off the police blotter and they gas him.

As for Will Brown, he's just going for the free weekend. They can't pay him a lot more than he's making; the program sucks; and he's in hooterville for crying out loud. He's not going there, unless they pass the collection plate a couple of extra times on Sundays and do something like double his salary, reprotedly about $163,000 a year. I know its the A10, but it's the bottom of the A10. Look what happened to the guy they just dumped. If Will goes there he better get some recruiting and admissions help and a long-term contract.

I hear the door opening and Gus is crying so somebody must be here. I'll cover Stony Brook later.

St. Brownaventure?

Yo, feeble one
You've got to stop hanging around with Zimmons. His stupidity is starting to rub off on you.
Hey, it looks like Will Brown might be packing up the family and heading to Olean, the Garden spot of New York. A couple of good years in Albany was enough for Will the Thrill, and besides, he can't imagine life without Jamar.
No guarantees that he's going to the Bonnies job, though. Interesting to see that one of the other candidates is Rob (You're Fired!) Lanier. Now, even though he doesn't have Will's resume, he will be coming from a bigger program, is a proven recruiter and was once an assistant in Olean.
Hey, nice move by Stony Brook to join the Big South for football. Let's see, Long Island...Charleston, South Carolina...yeah, I can see the connection. I just think old Chucky Priore was looking for a warmer climate for his games. He must have pictures of someone high up in the food chain at Stony Brook having sex with a chicken, because this move makes no sense to me at all. The only people on Long Island who benefit from this move are in the football program. I've got to get the Title IX people on speed dial.
Don't be picking on Tonya Harding. I was thinking she might make the perfect next Mrs. Sparky. Loves to drink and has no morals!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

There he is

Read below and you will wonder why someone doesn't just blow this little rock to pieces. We continue to elect dimwitted thieves.

Hey Sparky; is Tonya Harding getting her meds from your pharmacist? She calls the cops because she is seeing things in her house, then has to be dragged out of her neighbor's place. Wow, she is soooo entertaining.

Oh, by the way; thanks for the information on Lewis Hamiliton. Nice to see the good ole boys are letting them black fellers participate in NASCAR now. I'm sure all the black sociologists will find it very exciting that now one of their own can spend all day in a car turning left.

You need to stop hiding in the cave for long periods. I think the dampness makes your brain mushy. Save some of those meds for me. I'll bring the Smithwicks to wash them down.

he ain't heavy, he's my brother

Yo, putz
Miss me? Still recovering from the drunken bimbo parade on St. Patty's Day. Head's still spinning.
Hey, knucklehead. The maintream press did it again. Wrapped up as they are in March Mediocreness, they missed the biggest story of the weekend. Remember this name, boys and girls...Lewis Hamilton. Lewis, who is only, 21, made history Sunday when he became the first black driver to compete in a Formula I race. Having a black driver in FI is like having a black man in the just doesn't happen. But wait, it gets better. Not only did he qualify for the Australian Grand Prix, he finished THIRD, in his first time out for McLaren. Can we say Tiger Woods here??? Lewis is British with Jamaican mon descent, and he's THE REAL DEAL. And he doesn't even get a line anywhere because every newspaper in the world is in love with Dick Vitale's ugly stepchild, March Moronness.
I'm goin online and ordering me some Lewis Hamilton gear.
Hey, in case you missed, attendance for the ECACHL championship game was the second-lowest EVER. Your buddy Hagwell is doing a heck of a job promoting this thing. And what was the deal with having part of the upper bowl curtained off, and portions open? This thing is turning into a three-ring circus, and every ring is full of clowns.
Things are getting so bad, I'm almost lookin' forward to stock car racing season.
Get my meds, I'm going down!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Empty Cave

I lost Sparky....again. The cave is dark and cold and...oh, just like always. As a matter of fact, that sounds like just about every room he enters. Maybe he is there. I'll go back and check.

Just a little break, here. Not much happening locally, unless you consider the annual dance of the legislators in Albany worth listening to. Is there any more self-absorbed, self-centered group of dirtballs this side of the Middle East? More when I feel like it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

still fumin'

Yo, putz
This whole NCAA thing is still pissin' me off. I've got to think the little drawf Gary Walters, who failed as a coach at Providence and who is so goddamed Ivy that he pisses green, was just getting a little payback at some of the schools that he looks down on, like Syracuse, Niagara, Drexel, at al. Ivy League ADs got no business being in charge of any sports committee, usless it's squash or fencing. Run his sorry ass out of town.
Here's an idea, and it ain't too far fetched. Expand the tournament field to 67 or 69, and have two-tree more play-in games on Tuesday. Make Central Connecticut and Texas A&M-Corpusule Count or whatever the hell it is earn the right to be a 16 seed and get their ass kicked. That way, a couple of deserving teams will get in and Fat Tuesday can eliminate a couple of the dregs that don't belong anyway.
Geez, Louise, Syracuse and South Alabama? Sounds like a bad spring trip baseball game at Fort Myers.
Good thing Quinnipiac isn't playing Dartmouth in the first game of the ECAC tournament Friday at the Knick. That would draw about as many people as a Brittany Spears lecture on the virtues of motherhood.
Hey, knuckedragger. If I'm a Virginia basketball player, I'm getting a little ticked off that the Big Dogs at Albany are feeling lucky about their draw. I don't see the Danes doing what they did last year against UConn. You can bet the Cavs want to make a statement to the Dog Pound. Hell, last year, I think Calhoun and his boys went out drinking the night before the game.
Speakin' oh drinkin', damned if it ain't nearly Nail Wednesday.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Hoop de Doo

Hey Sparky;
I wish you coulda heard Gary Walters on the Fatso and Fruitloops show this afternoon. He used the RPI and strength of schedule to justify Arkansas over Syracuse, then threw that argument out the window when asked how Stanford got in. He said they had injuries to key players and that contribute to their 18-14 record. Then he goes back to the RPI to justify Illinois and Purdue getting in.

It just doesn't matter. There are only about eight teams with a legitimate chance of winning the tournament anyway. If this was about crowning a worthy national champion and not making money for the En See Double Eh, they'd pick about 12 teams and let them fight it out.

I'm with you though on Billy Packer and the college basketball mafia. If you are going to artificially inflate the field to 64 1/2 teams, I'd much rather see some more teams like Northwest Southeast Missouri State than some team that goes 7-9 in the SEC and finishes about seventh in their league.

As for Siena, the ECAC and the TUC; blow it out your ear. It's marketing, dim wit. the P.T. Barnums of the world are ruling sports in this country (see above).

Hey Snooks, with Quinnipiac dumping Cornell I figure the over under on attendance at the ECAC Frozen four this weekend is about 4,500 each night.

As for Poke Me; who cares? Women's hoop in Luzianna? Can't draw even what the ECAC gets.

this is ridiculous

Oh, my achin' ass
Leave it to a former D-III coach and Ivy League geek to screw up one of the greatest institutions in American sports.
Pleeeeeeze, explain to me how Syracuse and Drexel get left out of the NCAA tournament and schools like Purdue and Illinois get in. Did the Big Ten commissioner quietly contribute to the Gary Walters' retirement (read, slush) fund? Hey, Gary the Geek, don't accept any packages from Jim Boeheim or Bruiser Flint.
This may be the worst field ever drawn and you know why? Because assholes like Billy Packer complained last year when so many mid-major teams got in, so this year the committee says, Fuck it, and rewards mediocrity in the major conferences. This is the biggest massacre since Little Big Horn.
And Will Brown is a nice guy, but giving Albany a 13? Get real. Wonder how long it took the good, ole boys to come up with a bracket where the Danes actually have a chance to win a game! Somebody must have owed Lee McElroy a favor, or was paying off an old golf debt. Syracuse doesn't get in and Albany is a 13? Boeheim's boys would beat the Dogs by 20, anytime, anywhere.
And you've got to stop drinking the Siena-ECAC kool-aid. I know you're taking money from just about everyone in the area, but I didn't know the Knick/Pepsi was part of the Putz Vacation Fund, too. RPI has as much chance to playing in the ECAC final four as they do of playing in the Beanpot! And tell me what a good idea it is to close off the top of the TUC when you want to see Stanford next year, and have to cough up 75 bucks, IN AUGUST, to see through the door.
And you know why Poke-Me Chatman isn't on the back page of every tabloid? Because it's Looziana, chump. They still haven't figured out what an inappropriate relationship is down there!
God, you aggravate me.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

What're U Smokin'?

Whatever it is, I want some. Snort this you goober!
Siena moved to the Knick/Pepsi/TUC for the amenities and the added seating for the couple of games a year they might need it. Nobody ever expected that they would average 10,000 per game. Hey, the rest of the league draws about 2,000 a game. Rich Ensor really needs Siena, or this conference will be relegated to the scrap heap of the NCAA.
This league can't even get their "automatic" bid into the real NCAA tournament. How far has this loop fallen? Their tournament champ Niagara has to play the elimination game just to earn the right to get smoked by Kansas. Wow, the committee must think those Purple thugs are actually from across the river in Canada and need to earn their way into the real field of 64.

As for the ECAC; they can't increase the draw if there is no chance of RPI getting to the final four. The move still made sense, because Albany is more centrally located, and if RPI does ever get there the place will be filled. Lake Placid is a great place, but if you don't ski a trip there every few years is plenty. Maybe they should send the tournament there every fourth year.
You are spending way too much time in the cave. With friends like you, I'm glad I keep that butt plug handy.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

can you get any dumber?

Yo, moron
Closing the upper bowl of the TUC is a good idea? What the hell have you been smokin? It's morons like you that make the administrators at Siena look good because you fall into line with anything they say.
Hey, dipshit, remember when Fast Phil decided to move the ECAC tournament from Lake Placid to Albany because the Knick/Pepsi/TUC had more seats and the tournament could draw more people? Check the attendance figures, Bevis. They're the same in Albany as they were in Lake Placid. Hey, why not limit the ECAC tournament to 7,500 people? Will make for a more energetic crowd because you'll get all the cowtippers from Colton sitting next to the stiff-upper-lipped crowd from Hanover. Yeah, let's go. Close off the upper bowl. Hell, may as well close off the press box, too! It's not too tough to see you're an administrator (what the hell do you do, anyway?) Clowns like you never admit you make mistakes. You just close the curtains and pretend nothing ever happened. Can't fill a big arena? Just make it smaller!!
Geez, you're a dope.
Your friend, Sparky

Friday, March 9, 2007

For Play

Hey Shit Hook; how stupid can you be? Open the front door and hit the golf balls into the hall. That way they bounce off your neighbor's door and don't damage your walls.

As for Siena shutting the top bowl of the TUC for their home games; it makes sense. Create the demand, fill the smaller arena and you will have a better, crazier atmosphere. Of course we are talking mostly old white guys who went to catholic schools, so how nutty can it get? They think having two beers and going to a gentleman's club to watch ugly chicks with fat thighs and no tits take off their clothes is a fun night out; unless there is a card game somewhere.

Gotta love the LSU sitchiashun. Coaches doodling players; just makes you want to send your daughter there.

Gotta go. I hear there is a Smithwick's with my name on it sitting on the bar at The Wood.

why not just lock the damn doors?

Yo, putz
I may have not done well in my logics class, but this one baffles me. Siena's attendance continues to go down (geez, there's a one wants to watch bad MAAC basketball), so they're going to limit the number of people who can get in the TUC by closing the upper bowl!
Nice idea. Cram everyone into the lower bowl and make it look like a bigger crowd. Hey, if you want big crowds, take the games back to Noah's ARC.
So instead of beefing up the non-conference schedule and maybe getting a crowd of 9,000 once or twice a year, they're going to limit seating to about 7,500 and you better get your tickets early! Do they really think that's going to create long lines at the walk-up window hours before a Siena-Canisius game? Maybe if they were putting some good basketball in the House That Jim Coyne Went To Prison For, they'd be putting some fannies in the seats. Maybe that's why I'd rather drive to Syracuse to see the Orange and DePaul than head down 787.
Hey, what about Pokey Chatman resigning at LSU because of ALLEGED inappropriate relationships with her players (pick a number between one and 100). Got to love lesbians! How much are those little indiscretions going to cost her? About a half-a-mil a year?
Got to head to Home Depot and get some spackel. Not a good idea to be hitting golf balls in the cave. Leaving too many holes.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

One more cementhead gone

Yo, putz
See where one of Nate the Skate's cementheads signed a pro contract Wednesday? Don't see any of Opie's "student/athletes" heading for the big show.
I think it's very interesting that one of Union's non-scholarship kids is bolting after just two seasons in beautiful Schenectady. Don't forget, this is one of the kids who was suspended from the team last February for an incident that was quickly swept under the rug. Let's see if the numbers add up...kid from Oswego...suspended...leading scorer on team...leaves school early. Yup, adds up to cementhead. Love to see what his GPA is.
Hey, how do I get a job with the Schenectady police department? Wanted...union rep...has to work 10 days a year...salary somewhere around $90,000 per year...must be available to work holiday to accrue overtime pay...Geez, Louise, do you think Anna can get me in?
Almost time for Round 2 of the Big East soiree to start. Got to see if Pasty and Eric can bring down the Drunkin' Irish.

Sunday, March 4, 2007


The way you begin most of your posts -"Yo, putz"- sounds more like the middle of a phrase than a salutation. You know, like "How come yo putz never seem to make it to the hole? I'm, talkin' 'bout your golf game here, not your love life.

Anyway, digressions aside, why is hockey suddenly the whipping boy of college administrations? It looks like they are focusing on hockey as a way of cutting costs the way they did when schools cut wrestling programs by the dozens about 20 years ago. First the Bemidji president pushes the blame for his money-losing program into the laps of the folks at the WCHA and now the UMass administration wants to kill the U-Lowell program? How do the two Division I programs in the Mass State University system lose $2.1 million? They must be talking about the athletic departments as a whole, right?
Anyway, moving out of Hockey East will not save money, but it might help rebuild a once proud hockey program. U-Lowell and Merrimack are perennial doormats in the league. Maine, BU, UNH and BC have dominated the league and the East pretty much since the league began. That won't change soon.
Lowell and Merrimack should move to Atlantic Hockey where most of the schools are teams they compete against in other sports. These traditional Division II powers can compete and maybe even dominate in the league populated by Bentley, RIT, Sacred Heart, AIC and Mercyhurst. Move Holy Cross and Niagara into the ECAC, close down College Hockey America and move Bemidji and Wayne State to the WCHA or CCHA and realign the college hockey leagues. The west should also realign and create a new league, but that won't happen for a while.

On the ECAC - You're right (man it hurts to say that), they need to cut the playoffs back to 10 teams again. They won't, because they went to 12 teams when the Ivies always had two teams missing the playoffs every year. With Union in the league, that shouldn't happen every year, especially if RPI can't get a goalie and some scorers; not to mention some players who prefer spending the first five minutes of the game on the ice rather than in the penalty box.
Nobody cares about these first round games, where all but one or two of the teams have no chance of winning on the road the next week, let alone actually making a run at the championship in Albany. Cut the bottom two teams out of the mix.

Give the top six teams a week off and have the next four teams play a two-game, first team to three points, series at the sites of the two higher seeds (#10 at #7 and 9 at 8). You only play overtime on the second night. If the first game ends in a tie, it's a tie. The second night you play until someone drops.

The survivors move on to the next round with the six top seeds. Continue the current format through the championship in Albany. You will get rid of a couple of bad first-round series that way, increase the attendance and interest and make the regular season more important. The last weekend of the regular season this year would've been interesting. The bottom four of RPI, Union, Yale and Brown would've been playing against each other for the chance to prolong their seasons. Two would've been done after the weekend. The other two would be playing for seeding in the first round.

I still think that you will get crowds like you did at the first round games, but at least there will only be two series instead of four. What is up at places like Princeton, where they drew 1,900 in two nights and Colgate (3,500)? Princeton is having its best season in more than a decade and Colgate has a proud hockey tradition. These places can't draw more people than that? This league needs help, immediately.
I'm done - time for a bloody mary.


Saturday, March 3, 2007

This ain't the Brady bunch

Yo, putz
Hate to take shots at slow, white kids, but did you see the scores of the Class AA boys' semifinals Friday night. Geez, Louise, Shen and Saratoga were just blistered by the Brothers and the other Brothers at Maginn (where's the love for my man Shimeek Johnson?). Welcome to suburbia, boys. The Suburban Council is a joke!
Nice job by Opie and the boys at the 'Gate. Heck of an effort against one of the most suspect offenses in the league. Hey, Ope, get 0ut the clubs. FORE!!!!
Did you catch all the empty seats at Hobey Baker Rink (still one of my favorites on the circuit, by the way). A whopping 825 showed up for what was the best game of the night, Brown's 4-3 overtime win over the striped homeboys (isn't that a kind of fish?).
Who you been talking to in Massachusetts, chief? Report is that the Massachusetts Board of Trustees want UMass-Lowell to, (1) get out of Hockey East or, (2) drop hockey entirely. Combined, the Lowell and UMass-Amherst hockey programs lost nearly $2 mil last year, and the good people on the board want to funnel the money into Amherst and leave Lowell as the ugly stepchild.
But that confuses me just a tad (doesn't everything?) How does Lowell stop losing money by going to another league, i.e., the ECACHL or Atlantic Hockey? A bus trip to Clarkson has to cost more than a bus to Merrimack. You gonna cut coaches' salaries because they have to match wits with Nate the Skate instead of Jack the Legend? Help me here.
What's that sound? Oh, I know. It's the first beer of the day opening. Must be noon somewhere.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

What, or who, is he smokin?

Hey Sparky thanks for sending me the Mike Eidelbes column form Inside College You gotta like the column (at the link above). This is a good column, with some funny stuff, but with some interesting observations, twists and turns.

The first part about the Bimidji program is great. The writer makes some interesting points and places the blame for the possible demise of the Bemidji State Hockey program where it belongs, with the school’s president. Writer Mike Eidelbes travels into Spin City in the second part. Could he be any farther up North Dakota Coach Dave Hakstol’s ass? I know that I’m in the minority here, but I don’t necessarily think that a couple of underage college athletes drinking in public and encountering the long arm of the law is all that unusual. We all make mistakes, especially at that age. Maybe bouncing kids off the team, like Coach Mike Kemp did at Nebraska-Omaha is a little harsh, but they knew the coach’s rules and at least he stuck by his guns and did what he thought was right.

Coach Hakstol has the right, and maybe the obligation, to keep the exact punishment, if there was any, of his players private if he can. However, for Eidelbes to say that the Omaha players got off easy because they got booted off the team and will not have to face the unfriendly taunts of opposing fans, while the North Dakota players will bravely take the ice in Denver and face the vicious taunts and bad language of a bunch of pimply 18-year old geeks as drunk as they were when they got arrested is just nuts. I have to take his word for it when he says that he is sure that the coach took appropriate disciplinary action, but don’t try to equate missing the last 3-5 weeks of the season with having to face bad language in opposing rinks. You think they never get that? Wow!

The Beanpot letter he ran was really entertaining, unless you’re Hockey East Commissioner Joe Bertagna or BU Head Coach Jackie Parker. The disclaimer at the start is funny as hell, however. Gay has no relation to sexual orientation and retarded doesn’t refer to mental capacity? Did Eidelbes read the letter? As they say in Boston, this guy Eidelbes is wicked retahded; not to be confused with Ricky Ricardo.


Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dock Me

Gotta admit; waterfront property in Schenectady sounds like an oxymoron, as opposed to a regular moron like you, Sparky.

Who are they kidding? ALCO built locomotives on that site for about 100 years and they think that people will buy houses and condos that they build on that ground? Maybe if you cart away about 40 feet of top soil it will be livable, but I'm not buying property there. Hey, wanna buy a house in Love Canal?

Chuckie Schumer and the rest of the crowd of Politicos just wanted some face time. I'm betting that nothing gets built there in the next 10 years. If it does, nobody buys it. What a scam.

As for as the local college sports scene, wait 'til next year. Lots of good stuff on the horizon.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

where's the love?

Yo, putz
Did you miss me, moron? Must have blacked out for a while there.
Hey, dopey, why is it so quiet around here this week? Where's all the hype for the ECACHL playoffs (oh, that's right, no one gives a rat's ass), the MAAC tournament (oh, that's right, it's out of town, and no one gives a rat's ass) or the America Least shebang (oh, that's right, it's out of town and no one gives a rat's ass). See a pattern developing here? Shee-it, I'm almost looking forward to tomorrow's Gay-zette so I can read Shottzie's riveting ECAC hockey predictions. Any self-respecting rat wouldn't even wipe his ass with that drivel.
Hey, dog breath, we've got to take in a UAlbany lacrosse game. The Big Dogs knock off Johns Hopkins and break into the top 20? Might be worth looking at. God knows the winter sports aren't worth the price of admission. Oh, that's right, we don't pay anyway.
Did you catch the press conference Monday about developing the Alco property in Schenectady? What do they think this is, Baltimore? That's not waterfront property, it's the goddamn MOHAWK RIVER, for Christ's sake. All they're going to do is piss off some big ass rats. I'm sure all the Hamilton Hill crowd will be lining up for riverfront condos. Hey, might not be a bad idea. We can stagger home from The Ditch! See if Kimmy-Says wants to move.
Got to find my meds.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Yoo Hoo

Hey, where is Sparky anyway? He hasn't posted in five days. Probably accidentally locked himself in the cave again. Gotta send Anna over to get him out. Now that she has recovered from her Eyetalyun sunburn, she can go out in the cold and unlock the cave. Take him some beer Anna. He must be out of brews by now. Watch out for the empties on the floor; wouldn't want you to turn an ankle. Let us know when you find Sparky.

Bone Brews

So Carl Pavano gets hit on the foot with a batted ball, suffers a bone bruise and will be out of action again. Man, I am not going to the ball park if he is pitching. This guy should never get outa bed. Of course, you have to wonder about a guy who falls on his ass on a nice grassy infield and misses most of the season. I think this clown is as fragile as a china doll. He needs to toughen up a bit.

You wanna talk about tough? Hey, I've seen Sparky fall off a wagon, a bar stool and his high horse and never spill a drop, or miss a round. He can take a nasty stare and a rude comment from a frazzled waitress and never miss a beat. That's tough.


Friday, February 23, 2007

let's lift a pint

Oy, it's a sad day when one of the real characters in life meets his maker, but you can be sure Mono's already raiding God's liquor cabinet. For those who knew Bob Monohan, remember him for what he was, and stay away from the sappy eulogy on
Irish Brogue? Yeah, Irish Mist. This clown can’t tell the difference between an Irish Brogue and the speech pattern of a heavy-drinking Irish sportswriter from Southie? Oh, man – get me a bottle. I want to suck down a pint of Telamore Dew and then smack this clown with the empty.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Suh, Suh, Saints are Fowl

Oh man, the first half of that Siena Manhattan game was just dreadful. Siena was 2 for 9 from the foul line.

How can you pack so much drivel into so few words? You are giving me a headache. Gotta admit, though, that Notre Dame at Marquette on an outdoor court in February would be very entertaining. St John's and Seton Hall is another story, however. Better yet, let's play those games in the cave. I'll bring the beer.

Hey, I know how we can end that illegal and stupid war we started in Iraq and get on with the impeachment trial of W and Dickie Boy, if the fat old fuck doesn't do us a favor and die first. Anyway, let's send the Manhattan and Siena teams over there to play a barnstorming tour. The insurgents will leave in droves. Hell they'll leave in golf carts just to avoid having to watch these two teams play.

Get off Eh, Rod, will ya? Besides, Giambi retains so much water - roids will do that to you - that if he was to get hit with an errant punch in that titanic slug fest, he would leak like a sieve.
I'm tired of the constant search for irrelevant baseball stories already and it's what, day three of spring training? I can't wait for the hockey playoffs. Lord Stanley had the right idea. Play for a trophy that holds at least a case of beer.

I think you can deduct twice the value of beer from your taxes if it is for medical reasons. Honest, you can slip it by. Really. I wouldn't kid you. Try it, you'll save millions.

Let's go, Saints

Yo, putz
How about giving the Siena Aints some love? All they have to do is knock off the Jaspers tonight and they'll be playing for a share of the title against Marist. Wow, Siena-Marist, for a share of the MAAC title. Isn't that riveting basketball. I'd rather watch the last-place game in the Big East on an outdoor court in February!!!
Speaking of riveting basketball, too bad we didn't take in the Shen girls game last night. Would have been entertaining to watch Saratoga score TWO points in the first half. Stick with me, sonny. I'll make the good decisions.
So you're attached to the old airplane hanger where the Engineers play hockey. That explains why you still have that ugly mutt hanging around your house.
Can't wait for Gay-Rod and Jeter to drop the gloves during a spring training game. Wouldn't that be great! One of them calls off the other, both get pissed, they drop the gloves and go at it, and Giambi (wasn't he the guy in the box in Pee Wee's Playhouse?) will be the third man in. Please, Manny, do something crazy and get the Brokeback Boys off the back page.
Speaking of Brokeback, where's JZ?
Got to run, sport. Can we deduct beer on our income tax as a medical expense?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Eh, Rod?

If I'm standin at the Bah in the Black Rose it ain't ambiance I'm soaking up. I like the idea of swaggering on over to Boston and The Rose, however. Maybe we could catch a BU-BC clash. Brown and RPI at Houston will be very interesting. Though it has become something of a dump, I have grown a bit attached to the Field House. Ned built it and Mike helped put some of the hangings on the wall. That's a pretty good combination. At some point they are going to have to put Addesa in the Ring of Honor. Ned was no saint and he is there. Mike was not squeaky clean, but he was no racist. Shirley and Kenny Boy should extend an olive branch and put the Fat Man's name on the wall.

Come on; lay off of Eh, Rod. He spent all that money getting his bangs highlighted, felt the need for some TV face time so he called a news conference to talk about anything but why he disappears in October. Actually, it was a brilliant diversionary tactic; sorta a prophylactic strike, if you will.


Brokeback Yankees

Yo, putz
Did I read that right? Gay-Rod and Jetes aren't having sleepovers anymore? Maybe one of them can hook up with Tom Brady. Looks like he's sleeping with everyone.
You've got to love Manny. He's going to report late because his mother has a tumor or a hernia or something, and he sends a messenger to tell Terry Francona. You can't make this stuff up. I'll take Mannyisms over Gay-Rod's whining anyday. It's time to head to Boston, belly up to the bar in the Black Rose and start absorbing the ambiance.
And don't forget. The only things open after 2 a.m. are the 7-11 and legs.
Got to run. I have to get in line for tickets for Friday night's titanic clash between RPI and Brown. Got a feeling that sucker will be sold out, and I don't want to miss what will probably be the GAME OF THE CENTURY at the House That Ned Built and Big Mike Decorated.

Monday, February 19, 2007


Hey, Ned has a lot more on the ball than some of us.
The ECAC needs a complete overhall. The coaches are running the league and nobody else matters, or cares. This league will not have a legitimate challenger for the national title until they decide they want one and make some hard decisions.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

send him to the dog track

Yo, putz
Can't believe you're quoting Ned Harkness. The man is so old, he's taking senility to a new level. He thought Shirley Jackson was Gladys Knight, for chrissake. He wanted to know why the Pips weren't helping raise his banner (I'm sure ole' Shirley was raising his banner, if you get my drift.)
The inmates are definitely running the ECACHL. How can Nate the Skate get off with blasting an official, BY NAME, in the press, and not get suspended? Where the hell is Hagwell, hiding in a closet somewhere? You can be darn sure Mike Schafer at Cornell has a copy of Nate's quotes in his briefcase, so the next time Hey Mikey goes ballistic, all he's got to do is dangle that newspaper in front of Blind Melon Hagwell and quote MC Hammer - "Can't touch this!"
Hope that cheatin' bastard Micheal Waltrip wins the Daytona 500 today and sends NASCAR in a tizzy right off the bat. Let's see, what do Michael Waltrip's Toyota, Floyd Landis and Barry Bonds have in common? A little extra juice for a little extra boost.
It's BOTTOM FOUR WEEKEND. Yale and Brown at RPI and Union, losers still go to the playoffs. God, I love this country.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Snow Bidness

The good ol boys should just chuck the whole team, I agree. Who's the leader of the group anyway? If the guys in the pits are cheatin, somebody must be dye-recting the wrench-crankers.

Okay, so you do a little research on some of next year's early recruits and you think you know that Opie and RPI are gonna suck 2-3 years from now? You got a carbon monoxide detector in the cave? We gotta check your C O two levels and see if you got dain bramage. Ned Harkness, the greatest college coach of all time, and Mr. Squeaky clean says Coach Appert is the real deal and will lead the Engineers back to prominence in the ECAC. Give him two, tree years and then trash him if they suck.

Hey, at least he isn't bringing in cement heads by the bucket full and trashing officials in the media left and right like the guy across the river.

By the way, how does Hahvahd lose to Northeastern in the consy of the Bean Pot? If it wasn't for Merrimack N'Eastern would be the worst team in the east.

That reminds me, Hockey Least is a great 4-team league (Maine, UNH, BU, BC) but, boy are the bottom four awful. Joe B needs to shed a couple teams from that league and steal Q'Pac from the ECAC andMerrimack has got to go to Atlantic Hockey.

My car is stuck half in and half out of my driveway. The plow drivers in this burg musta gone on strike at Noon today. We got 21 inches of snow in the street at 9 pm and we haven't seen a plow in 13 hours.

Stoke up the fire in the cave and have a black and tan.

let it snow, let it snow

Yo, putz
As my man Meatloaf once said, "It's really piling up outside." ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT ALREADY. Good thing I have a good supply of alcohol in the cave. Ain't no Nail on the ogenda tonite.
Hey, how about those cheatin' bastards in NASCAR. Figured after Jimmie Johnson's crew chief got booted out of the Daytona 500 last year, the good old boys would be minding their Ps and Qs this year. BUT NO. Four of them get suspended, and three are employed by the same guy, Ray Evernham, who used to race asphalt modifieds in the Northeast before heading south of the Mason-Dixon. Someone might want to take a serious look at that operation.
Now everyone is whining, boo hoo, what are we going to do. I've got a good idea. Don't just send the crew chief home. SEND THE WHOLE DAMN TEAM HOME, DRIVER AND ALL. After they watch the biggest race of the season from a Barcalounger in Lake Norman with a Budweiser in their hand, you can bet your ass they won't be cheating anymore.
Hey, I figured out why Capital Region media covers Division I basketball and not Division I hockey. Siena and Albany are playing for league titles, and RPI and Union are playing to stay out of the cellar. RPI WILL NEVER BE BACK. Mark my words.
Think I'll let the sled dogs out for a while.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Hey Beer Bitch

I'm in for the Anna Nicole funeral. I'll bring a 12-pack of Smithwicks and we can go from there.

Speaking of Anna Nicole...Do we need any more evidence to prove that the morning shows are just tabloid garbage? We got hundreds dieing in Iraq every day and politicians stealing money by the millions in Albany and Washington and they spend the first 15 minutes of their show today on some bimbo who couldn't spell Iraq.
Okay, people are aware of who she is and have some puriant interest, but how about relegating her to page three and spending some time on the important shit before diving into the pig shit. Wow, how far we have fallen!


Friday, February 9, 2007

two down, one to go

Yo, putz
First Barbaro, then Anna Nicole Smith. What useless celebrity will be next to go? I'm putting my dough on Kevin Federline. That sumbitch is just breathing my air. Maybe we can get him and Paris Hilton in a package deal. Authorities think drugs were involved in Anna Nicole's death. Whoa, there's a revelation. Good investigating, boys. That's why you get the big bucks.
Schottzie is obviously drinking the Koolaid again. The only reason Union and RPI can even think about home ice is because the ECACHL is so damn bad. If Hagwell had any cojones, he'd go back to the old format of a 10-team playoff, and make teams earn their way in instead of mailing it in.
See where old Ned is getting into the RPI Ring of Honor. Good for the senile old goat. But now that Oates, Juneau and Ned are in, it's time to pull the plug. Let's not create a Rink of Dishonor by putting every schmo who ever wore skates up there. Those three are unique in their accomplishments. Let's end it there, until someone else comes along who is in that league.
Hey, let's go to Anna Nicole's funeral. What a display of debauchery that will be.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

You Are a Headache

Hey Shithook:
What'd I hit a nerve? My point zactly. The competition is too scared to do something different like cover good Division II Hoops that draws three times what the bad Division I programs draw. The editors and sports directors just don't want to field the calls from the women's coaches complaining about a lack of coverage. If they were good, or even entertaining, more people would attend the games and more coverage would make sense. I'm with you - whoa that's scary - let's see more on local kids playing at other colleges and more on wrestling and hockey. Better yet, who's covering the Australian Rules Football League?

Hey, did you see what our esteemed Legislature did today? They ignored the three qualified candidates for State Comptroller and named a hack from Nassau County that's been in the Legislature for 20 years, like that prepares you for anything other than saying yes masser to Shelly Silver (See Ron Canastrari). Eliot ain't happy, but it won't make any difference, because ain't more than 2-3 dozen people outside of Albany that care about this bunch of baboons that look more like the Sopranos than a representative body of a democratic society. We deserve what we get in this state. I'm thinnin about moving and letting you yahoos have this cesspool.
Make some room in the cave. I'll bring some beer and spend the next decade or so.

now, back to our sponsors

Hey, putz.
Wow, get lost for a couple of days and people start to get nervous. I was heading to Beantown for the Beanpot and as the song goes, "I took a wrong turn and I just kept going." Ended up cutting a rug at a place called Jugs with a girl called Linda Lou, when in walked a man with a gun in his hand and he was looking for you know who.
Took another look at your last post and it still pisses me off. You are such an idiot. Everyone knows Division I basketball around here sucks, but take a good look, Einstein, SO DOES DIVISION I HOCKEY! Six regular-season games left, and if this was the old format, Union and RPI would be left out of the playoffs. The Little U should always be near the bottom, because they don't give scholarships. What's Opie's excuse across the river? Can't deal with real student/athletes? THIS AIN'T DENVER, OPIE. Get used to it.
And just because Division I basketball sucks doesn't mean you start covering bad Division II or Division III basketball that no one gives a shit about. Shit, we should be covering Hudson Valley. There are more local kids on those two basketball teams than all the Division I, II and III teams combined. How about hitting a high school hockey game once in a while, give more coverage to wrestling? BUT, NO. The party line is to cover what the competition covers, and that means beat writers are tied up with advances, notebooks, games, etc., and have no time for anything else. Why am I splainin' this to you, Lucy? You're too brain dead to understand.
Where's the Advil? I feel a headache coming on.

Friday, February 2, 2007

ah so stupid

Beer battered frogs legs? I'm in. They go right along with the gator bites in the Keys.
Hey, I have been to a St Rose game; not in the past 15 years, but I've been. Also, they outdraw both UAlbany and Siena women's teams. I t is better basketball and about 800 to 1,000 do show up. It's just that the reporters and editors with no brains and no lives in this market pin their "careers" and meaningless lives on covering Division I hoops, even if it is terrible.
Seen Siena or UAlbany women play lately? Or how 'bout that scintillating one-point win the Siena men had over that 0-22 Iona team the other night? The MAAC is set up for a bunch of slow, ole white guys to try to live vicariously through some mediocre basketball players. I can't believe you, of all people, buy into this Division I basketball smoke and mirrors scam. You are such a miopic maroon.

That's about enough from you

Hey, putz
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN MIND? Now you want more coverage of bandit Division II Saint Rose basketball. You know why they don't get any coverage? BECAUSE NO ONE CARES! Especially clowns like you, who sit at home and rant because they don't see any coverage when I know for a fact that you've NEVER been to a Saint Rose basketball game in your miserable little life. What's next? More coverage for Hudson Valley hockey? How about the CD Selects? How about RPI women's hockey games? With the amount of people they draw, reporters could bring a printer for their laptops and print out an individual story for all 20 people in the stands, and have one left over for The Z-Man. If you're suddenly taken a liking to 20-something female basketball players, drag your ass over there and watch the damn games yourself instead of sitting in front of the television every night, double-fisting the remote. Geez, you aggravate me.
Did you see they've opened up a new bar in downtown Schenectady that serves beer-battered frogs legs? We've got to give those bad boys a try. Probably better than smelt.
Is it Saturday yet?

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Iona Saint

Five minutes left in the game and Siena is up by only one and two of the Saints starters (Ubiles and Hasbrouck) have yet to score. This team has done this before. They have trouble getting up for bad teams. Ubiles is the best talent they have had in years, but he takes entire games off and Franny Boy leves him in. If he doesn't want to play, sit his ass on the bench and let him watch.

Speaking of Shills, how about that scintillating half-time interview with the Rose and Kiernan Insurance President. Gee, ya think all the money he gives Siena had anything to do with that riveting exchange? Wow, that really outa be embarrassing for TW3.

I hope Bob Ford is staying and Women's hoop coach Trina Paterson is leaving to have more kids. they dumped Mari Warner for this chick? Yeah Lee McElroy is a real genius.This is the guy that had to give half the stock in the university to Will Brown because he didn't sign him to a long-term contract when he had the chance.

So how come the St Rosie hoop teams in Albany don't get any respect form local papers. The had the men's and women's teams at home last night. Both are 17-5 and the women beat the undefeated number 3 team in the country. they outdraw the two bad Division I women's programs in the area and the O'Donnells would thrash either the Siena or Albany women's team. How 'bout some love for Division II hoops. The others are just unwatchable.


Just phone it in

Yo, Stu
Did you see where Iona is down to seven scholarship players because of injuries? Why even bother driving to Albany? People are actually going to the TUC and shell out their dinaros to watch little more than a scrimmage? If Siena doesn't win by 50, it's because Fran the Man will be calling off the dogs.
Hey, the smelt are running at Scroon Lake. Let's go get us a bucket and deep-fry 'em.
What's the big announcement at UAlbany Friday? Bob Ford finally retiring? Can't think of anything else that would warrant a press conference, unless they're officially naming Rodger Wyland the biggest shill in the Capital District.
What's all the hoopla about the Super Bowl and Race? I thought the Super Bowl was a football game, not a NASCAR 500-lapper. The only race I want to hear about in February is the Daytona 500. GET OFF IT, PEOPLE. Tony Dungy is black, Lovie Smith is black and they're coaching in the Super Bowl. END OF STORY. The real story is, why are they using a white team of announcers? Why aren't the brothers getting all riled up about that, eh? I'll be glad when this thing is over.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

What you Smell is YOU

So little time and soooo much insanity to address.
Whoa Sparky; The Gaels are getting just what they deserve. Any team with a midget in shorts as a mascot should lose every game. Jeff Ruland is the highest paid coach in the MAAC and has lost 21 straight games. His excuse is we graduated 5,000 career points last spring. First, I wanna see their diplomas. Next, he still recruited the 13 kids on scholarship still in the program. If he's paying them to play they should be pretty good, right? You can't lose 21 straight games in this league and keep your job, can you?

Anna; get off of Babbo, or Comet or whatever cleanser they name the horse after. Yeah its too bad they shipped him off the the big stud farm in the sky, but he's a horse, dear you'll find a new friend to lose your money on next summer.
Bracket Buster -- Does Boise State have a blue court too? Will Brown and UAlbany must be real happy about flying, driving and taking a Conestoga about 2,000 miles to play on ESPNU at Smurf U. they could stay home, play St Peter's or St. Bernard on TW 3 and get a bigger audience. This Bracket Buster sucks!

Are we doing movie reviews now? Okay, Mongo Stu's favorite, I admit. That movie should be mandatory viewing in all freshman anthropology or sociology, pharmacology; aw fuckit make all the cology classes watch it.


Well, bust my brackets

Hey, Stu, help me out here.
I know I'm a little slow, but I'm not getting this whole BracketBusters thing. Where's the love when the Spayed Danes get sent to Boise and the Halos draw a dogshit team from a dogshit conference? Can you decline to participate if you get a raw deal? If this is the way the Danes and Fran's Failures are going to be treated, why bother? JUST SAY NO.
Good thing that don't have this crap in college hockey. The Engineers would be getting sent to Alabama-Huntsville and Union would be heading to MapQuest to find out how the hell to get to Mankato.
I see Anna's got her dander up about Barbaro finally getting Jimi Hedrixed. I wonder if they were playing Purple Haze when they stuck him with the big needle? Imagine wasting all that time and money on something that you knew was going to croak anyway. Oh wait, your wife has been doing that for years.
Flipping through the channels at 2 this morning (yes, the cave has cable) and stumbled on Blazing Saddles. Is there a more politically incorrect movie ever made? Love the scene where they're going to build a replica of the town, and the railroad workers show up. "We'll take the niggers and the chinks, but no Irish." Can you imagine trying to sneak that into a movie today? My, my, how the world has changed. Did Alex Karras win an Oscar for his performance as Mongo?
Got to go. The dust bunnies are starting to mate. Where's the hose?

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Can you smell it?

Yo, sluggo.
What's that I smell? I smell an upset of epic proportions. I smell Iona coming into the TUC Thursday night and knocking off Siena. What the hell's the matter with the Gaels? 0-21? The worst team in America? This has got to be killing Jeff Ruland (good thing he's an Iona grad, or he'd already have the door banging off his wide ass). If he has to cut off a limb, he'll have the Gaels fired up Thursday. The Halos are coming off two tough road losses and I'm still not sure if Fran the Man is a master motivator (that almost sounds kinky). If Siena's ready, they can win by twedy (lay off the rhymes). If Gales are loose, Siena is a cooked goose.
Speaking of underachievers (yeah, I'm talking about you, putz), what is Teddy Hockey doing at Harvard? The bloody Crimson can't be that bad. No way they should be sitting in the cellar on the eve of the Beanpot. Steam has got to be coming out of Bill Cleary's ears.
Anticipation keeps building as I wait to hear who Don Audinocorleone brings in to play quarterback next year. Rumors are that the staff is chasing Billy Ray Buchanan, a 6-foot-2, 206-pounder out of El Paso who is supposed to be the fastest white boy in Texas. The only problem is that Billy Ray's blood alcohol level is usually higher than his GPA. But hey, CAN HE THROW THE DEEP BALL?
Nasty rumor going around that the Bears have a bounty out on Peyton Manning. Hey, just win, baby. Wonder if Tonya Harding's crew is busy.
Can't believe you threw Gary Gabriel into this pile of dung. That should be good for his career.
Got to run. One of my other personalities is calling me.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Yo, Linotype Breath

Hey Sparky;
Name the only high-ranking college administrator that has worked at two universities that won Division I men's championships in 1985.
Time's up. Dr. Gary Gabriel RPI (they won the national title in hockey) and Villanova (men's basketball).

Hey, I finally determined that indeed golf and bowling are not sports. I know, professional golfers really are quality athletes and Tiger Woods is an elite athlete and all that, but here is why they are not really sports: No legitimate sport would allow dufusses (or is it dufi) like you and me to play at the same facility as the great ones play at in those sports. I mean, you and I could play Pebble Beach or almost any PGA facility. We could also keggle and slurp down some beers at any bowling establishment in the country. No way does anyone allow us to play baseball at Yankee Stadium, football at Texas Stadium or hockey at the Boston Garden. Now, for enough beer we might be able to log a couple of laps at Daytona, but I don't think so. Anyway, golf and bowling can't be sports, otherwise they would never let us anywhere near any place that host those events. Ask Anna, she will agree.