Can you smell it?

Yo, sluggo.
What's that I smell? I smell an upset of epic proportions. I smell Iona coming into the TUC Thursday night and knocking off Siena. What the hell's the matter with the Gaels? 0-21? The worst team in America? This has got to be killing Jeff Ruland (good thing he's an Iona grad, or he'd already have the door banging off his wide ass). If he has to cut off a limb, he'll have the Gaels fired up Thursday. The Halos are coming off two tough road losses and I'm still not sure if Fran the Man is a master motivator (that almost sounds kinky). If Siena's ready, they can win by twedy (lay off the spelling...it rhymes). If Gales are loose, Siena is a cooked goose.
Speaking of underachievers (yeah, I'm talking about you, putz), what is Teddy Hockey doing at Harvard? The bloody Crimson can't be that bad. No way they should be sitting in the cellar on the eve of the Beanpot. Steam has got to be coming out of Bill Cleary's ears.
Anticipation keeps building as I wait to hear who Don Audinocorleone brings in to play quarterback next year. Rumors are that the staff is chasing Billy Ray Buchanan, a 6-foot-2, 206-pounder out of El Paso who is supposed to be the fastest white boy in Texas. The only problem is that Billy Ray's blood alcohol level is usually higher than his GPA. But hey, CAN HE THROW THE DEEP BALL?
Nasty rumor going around that the Bears have a bounty out on Peyton Manning. Hey, just win, baby. Wonder if Tonya Harding's crew is busy.
Can't believe you threw Gary Gabriel into this pile of dung. That should be good for his career.
Got to run. One of my other personalities is calling me.
Sparky